Oakeshott Down

On the 7th of September 2010, Rob Oakeshott took the podium, and with a sort of stilted woodenness you would usually expect from a cricketer in a vitamin commercial, commenced a speech that will be remembered as one of the most infuriating and repetitive of all time. It was like a skipping record at a radio station where everyone is dead; you either had to wait until the record finished of its own accord or until someone found the corpses draped over packs of the icy-cold-cans-of-coke.

For 15 minutes the nation's media and public were quietly swearing under their breath, begging for the one sentence. The one sentence that would mean that they could go home and forget any of this ever happened.

The most annoying thing about it was that everyone knew what he was going to say, but we had to hear him say it. And didn’t he enjoy making you listen to all that dross beforehand? Perhaps he realised that this was the last time that anyone in the major parties, the media, or the public would listen to him. So on he went, banging on about regional Australia and his 'line call-points decision-blah-blah', like a student padding a debate speech so they can at least get the warning bell.

It seemed appropriate then that Rob Oakeshott decided to run for Speaker of the House of Representatives. He certainly provided a good example of his ability to speak. After dragging the parties into an agreement over parliamentary reforms, it also made sense that he be the one to enforce them. That agreement seems to have lasted all of five minutes.

Of course, once the Liberals had lost the chance at government, why would they stick to Oakeshott's rules? Did anyone really think that would happen? Now there's talk of there being a Liberal Speaker, I very much doubt that will happen either.

The 'New Era' bullshit has been flushed within the first two weeks of the new term. We've come straight back to the political manoeuvring everyone knew would return. Don't believe the arguments about the constitution, as people are perfectly prepared to take a dump on the constitution when it suits them. This is about numbers and how thin the Opposition can keep the Government's majority.

Parliament is right back where it used to be: smack bang in the middle of arse-hat town. The two and a half weeks of political limbo has amounted to three-eights of two-fifths of sweet fuck all.