Outbreak

If things were stupid earlier in the week, then it's hard to think of a word to describe what is happening in the ALP right now. There have been challenges to the leadership before, and yes, challenges to the Prime Ministership, but those were carried out with a reasonable degree of decorum. What is happening now is not decorum. It is both a measure of how much Kevin Rudd is despised in cabinet and how good he is at keeping that fact separate from his public persona. I can not recall a politician from a major party who could produce so much hatred from colleagues yet be so popular with the public. It is usually the other way round.

Kevin Rudd's press conference yesterday announcing his resignation as Foreign Minister was essentially a self serving whinge setting up a challenge, without explicitly committing to a challenge. All that was missing was the tiny violins and a minder offering him a big bowl of strawberry ice cream. It was ridiculous, and perfect. Rudd managed to sound a convincing victim, he decried the soap opera, the attacks and the undermining. He almost made you forget that what he was actually doing was describing his own behaviour of the last 18 months, rather than that of anyone else. After ten minutes of chewing out his attackers for taking the media focus off the issues and asserting that the Australian public will not stand for it, he then went ahead and asked his caucus colleagues to consider who is best placed to beat Tony Abbott at the next election.

He is taking the piss.

That he was able to say that within the context of his announcement with a straight face and sound compelling at the same time is deeply disturbing.

What followed was an outbreak of candour that spread through the Labor caucus like a particularly nasty stomach virus. It spewed forth almost involuntarily; like they were suddenly overcome by a long inactive gag reflex. They ran to the media latrines and deposited their rancid internal discourse. This is what the media had longed for; for the ALP to finally step up and publicly soil themselves on national TV. The ALP obliged.

Wayne Swan released an extraordinary statement opening a can of whoop arse on the state of the Rudd Government in 2010, Tony Burke went on 7.30 and essentially said that Kevin Rudd was biggest prick he'd ever met, Greg Combet and Simon Crean continued their earlier attacks basically telling Rudd to shut his pie hole, and Julia Gillard, while announcing a Monday leadership ballot, accused Rudd of the electoral sabotage of the 2010 campaign. What is clearly evident is that if Kevin Rudd wins the upcoming ballot, a large portion of the current cabinet will find their positions untenable.

On the other side, Doug Cameron went on Lateline to defend Rudd and decry the 'faceless men', which he refused to name even though he said he knew who they were, presumably because people would then attach faces to them, rendering his catchcry useless. 'Faceless men' doesn't really even mean anything anymore. It's essentially a reference to a political bogey man who represents an obstacle to any given MPs agenda. It is meaningless twaddle.

Bruce Hawker was everywhere, saying words. No one wanted to listen, but that has never stopped a pundit before. He's like a homeless man on the edge of sanity, all he can do is walk around with his shopping trolley full of cans, half-screaming 'Kevin 07' at semi-attentive ducks in a nearby water fountain.

For a change, Tony Abbott has said basically nothing. The silence is deafening, because it's clear that he doesn't need to do anything now.

Just to wait.

Wait.

And then win.