Thursday, December 22, 2011

The Call

Swan: Hey Bowen

Bowen: Make it quick Swan I'm having breakfast.

Swan: What are you having?

Bowen: I said quick Swan.

Swan: Okay, well, you know how I'm acting Prime Minister?

Bowen: No one gives a shit.

Swan: But I am right?

Bowen: (sigh)….yes.

Swan: Okay, cool. And you're aware of this Malaysia thing we've got for those boat guys.

Bowen: Dimly.

Swan: You serious?

Bowen: No I'm not serious numb nuts, get on with it.

Swan: Alright, so we've got this shitty Malaysia thing right?

Bowen: Sure do.

Swan: But no one likes it.

Bowen: Nup

Swan: Do they?

Bowen: No.

Swan: Why?

Bowen: Does this have an ending Swan?

Swan: Yeah, okay, alright. Well, do you remember that shitty policy Howard had? Moro
or something?

Bowen: Nauru.

Swan: Yeah, sorry, I was thinking of the chocolate bar.

Bowen:…Anyway, Nauru yeah, the Lib policy.

Swan: Well what if we had our crappy Malaysia thing AND their shitty Nauru thing? Everyone would be happy right?

Bowen:….what?

Swan: It'll be win-win.

Bowen: Wait…who's going to win?

Swan: Us.

Bowen: I don't fucking think so.

Swan: Well who will?

Bowen: Abbott you fucking idiot. This is madness. Are you on the cold tablets again?

Swan: No I've moved to Echinacea, it really is ver…

Bowen: Shut the fuck up Swan…just….FUCK.

Swan: What?

Bowen: You want to give Abbott his policy; Howard's policy?

Swan: And ours. We'd have ours. We'll both have something, that's a solution.

Bowen: It's not.

Swan: It sort of is.

Bowen: Not really.

Swan: I can't really see any other solution than everyone having what they want.

Bowen: There's a reason for that.

Swan: What?

Bowen: Nothing. How will this work? The policies are in conflict.

Swan: But we're settling the conflict.

Bowen: No, they have parts that are mutually exclusive.

Swan: …

Bowen: It means you can only do one or the other.

Swan: This is my decision.

Bowen: To make no decision?

Swan: Well, that's sort of a decision.

Bowen: (sigh)

Swan: Julia said I'm in change.

Bowen: Charge.

Swan: Yes, charge. I was thinking of the coins, you know the one in you poc…

Bowen: SWAN! Fine, look, fine whatever, both policies, we'll do both policies. When are we doing this?

Swan: Well, you're on ABC News Breakfast in five minutes. Just, you know, hit it out of the ball park. You know, a hole in one?

Bowen:…

Swan: Bowen?

Bowen:…

Swan: Bowen?

Bowen:…

Swan: Are you there Bowen?

Bowen: Yes.

Swan: The phone went funny, the Libs really did a hash job on Telstra…

Bowen: Shut up Swan, just shut up. I've got to go.

Swan: Seeya mate, have fun! Can you call me back when you're done?

Bowen: -click-

Swan: Must have been disconnected.